It's So Unfair
by Gamma Orionis
Summary: Narcissa knows that loving Rodolphus is wrong, but how can she help herself when he says how much more he loves her than her sister? Written for dysfuncentine on LiveJournal.


Author's Notes: Written for dysfuncentine, a Valentine's fest for dysfunctional relationships.

Prompt: "_Character A's knowledge that Character B is married makes her sick with guilt. It makes her weep. It makes her wet_."

)O(

Narcissa knew that falling in love with her sister's husband was wrong. She had known that from the beginning, but it had never managed to deter her. Rodolphus was too desirable in too many ways for Narcissa's loyalty to Bellatrix to outweigh.

When he caught her in his arms, when he pulled her into an empty bedroom and kissed her hard, when they had to silence their moans and whimpers because someone might hear them, Narcissa wondered whether it was worth the trouble. But no matter how many times she wondered it, the answer she came up with was always the same.

Yes. Entirely.

"Does Bellatrix touch you like this?" she whispered, her voice catching with lust when Rodolphus pulled her into bed, their hands all over each other, pulling on each others' clothes and hair. "Does she make you feel this way?"

"No… dear God, no…" His voice was low and husky and he wound his fingers through Narcissa's hair and pulled her head to the side so that he could lavish kisses onto her neck. "Narcissa… Narcissa, you have no idea how much more you are than her to me…"

"Mmm." From his position, with his lips on her neck and her hair obscuring his face, Rodolphus wouldn't be able to see her smile. But smile she did, for nothing could give her as much terrible pleasure as the knowledge that she was better than her sister. That Rodolphus would rather be with her than her sister.

"I love you so, Cissa…" He lifted his head and his eyes were glittering. "More than her. More than I could ever love her."

"And I love you." Narcissa ran her hand over his chest again, feeling his muscles ripple beneath her touch as he tensed and trembled. "More than I'll ever love Lucius – I promise, Rod." She pushed him down flat onto the bed and straddled him, moving her hands down to the waist of his trousers.

"I wish I could have you instead of Bellatrix," he murmured, so quietly that she expected that he didn't even mean her to hear. But hear she did.

"So do I, Rod, so do I."

And how desperately she wished that he could have her. How she wished that Bellatrix had been given to Lucius and she to Rodolphus – it would have been so easy, if only Lucius had been born a few years earlier so that he would be older than Bellatrix…

Damn her parents' ideas of who could marry whom.

Rodolphus had pulled her down against him again so that he could kiss her, and Narcissa felt tears stinging her eyes even as she closed them and tried to empty her mind of any thoughts unrelated to the way that her lover was touching her. It was so dreadfully frustrating – she could have had him; she had been so close…

Unfair.

The guilt that Narcissa felt was crippling, even though the part of her that felt it was small and insignificant in comparison to the part that desired Rodolphus. That part of her understood that she had no right to Rodolphus – that he was Bellatrix's husband, not hers, and that she ought to stay away from him. That part of her understood that this was a violation of her sister's trust.

That was the part of herself that she should have listened to.

But that part of her was the part that wanted to just sit and despair that she would never have her love instead of doing anything about it. And she simply couldn't do that.

It was unfair to Bellatrix to take such pleasure in being with her husband – and what had Bellatrix ever done to her?

Nothing.

But Bellatrix didn't appreciate Rodolphus the way that she did.

Bellatrix didn't deserve him. Narcissa deserved him.

If Narcissa just told herself that enough, maybe her guilt would ease.

And maybe when her guilt eased, the appeal of Rodolphus – the deliciously bad feeling of besting her sister that went along with her self-hatred – would also disappear.

)O(

_Fin_


End file.
